Trust

I guess sometimes I just don’t know where to start, and I feel I’ve got so much to say that I draw a blank. It’s just all about coming to the page, day after day, and writing…even if it feels like shoveling shit from a sitting position. Just keep writing, keep going, keep trucking, keep learning, living, smiling, loving…keep refreshing, keep your eyes open. Stay awake. Stay alive and be here, right here, right now. Be in this moment – practice it, make it a discipline. Make it the most important thing you do – be within yourself, in this moment, in this present time.

 

Stop comparing. Stop comparing yourself to anyone and everyone. Stop comparing your present to your past…actually, DO compare that. See how far you’ve come. Constantly praise yourself for how far you’ve come, what you’ve overcome, how strong you are, and how nothing is impossible, especially with the ground you’ve already covered. See the possibility in everything, and see it with optimism. Life is truly too short to see it any other way.

 

Allow yourself to go through your emotions. Feel the anger pass through you, the rage, the disappointment, the fear, the sadness…feel all of it, but let it pass. Know it so you can appreciate the happiness and joy you feel – understand the contrast so you can feel more of those warm feelings, attract more of those warm things.

 

Look within – come to truly understand yourself, scars and all. I see my acne scars on my face, and where I used to see ugliness and imperfection, I now see character and time and strength. I’m a warrior, and they’re my battle wounds. They remind me of one of the darkest, most difficult times in my life, and they remind me of the miracle of the fact that I’m alive AND thriving.

 

I AM alive and thriving, and that can’t be measured in terms of money or material wealth. I have now come to measure thriving as the level of love, community, relationship, friendship, peace, joy, excitement, and adventures in my life. These are the lights at the end of the tunnel – these are the imprints that the soul carries from one life to the next: Feeling connection, building foundation, having compassion and unconditional love and acceptance for each and every step and misstep along the way.

 

Knowing that everything is alright RIGHT NOW, and in this moment, there is no need, no room for any other thought. Consciously create life and love this way. This has been the greatest challenge and the greatest reward. This practice is what has brought light back into my life and my eyes and heart and soul. Learning to accept and receive love from those around me, those who are trying to give it to me, those who have stayed by my side at times when I’ve wanted to walk away from myself. The miracle of truly being able to let someone in, to break down the walls and lower the bridge. The miracle of trust and healing and releasing all of the trauma and darkness and pain and suffering that not only no longer serves you, but doesn’t belong to you. These black spots on our souls are not possessions to be carried or burdens to bear…they’ve experiences to be acknowledged, to be seen, understood, absorbed, and ultimately, released…released into small flecks of black ash into the purple flame to be recycled and transformed into pure light and love. And the sooner we learn that, the freer we’ll be.

 

Just knowing something isn’t enough – you have to live it, BE it, experience it and let it permeate everything that you are. You truly need to walk the walk and talk the talk – you need to become these traumas in order to let them go. You need to go through those dark times, make horrible choices, hopefully survive, rise from the flames and ruins, and be willing to go forward and do it all again, if that’s what life is calling for. To undergo constant rebirth, reincarnation, rejuvenation…to go through lifetime after lifetime until it sinks in. Because we’re human, we’re celestial, and an eternity on this plane is sometimes what it takes to find the balance between the two. Sometimes, it takes an eternity to truly become yourself and come home.

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