I love the feel of my tattoo against my lips. I love the texture, the contour, the feel of something…more. Something I brought to fruition – art that I’ve added to my body. Beautiful additions, beautiful images, beautiful memories. Stories that I get to tell over and over again. A woman who I keep alive through the imagery I created on my arm. Permanent, everlasting imagery, just like her smile, like her laugh, like her radiance. The pieces of her that live on in me – the good pieces. The loving, warm pieces. The pieces my mother didn’t get to experience…the pieces I didn’t get to experience from my mother.
My story lives through my body, both inside and out. My bones, my cells, my fascia, all holding on to remnants, bits of light, pits of darkness. Maybe afraid to release these fragments, unable to set them free for fear of lack, of a void, of what may or may not fill their places. My story has been my undoing and my foundation, and after years of flipping the same pages and reading over the same passages, its time for a new story to be adapted.
The devil lies in the details, in the creation. So many important details get overlooked in favor of instant gratification. Mistakes made over and over again in hopes of quelling the silent screams that the old story is struggling to muffle. But instant gratification has no staying power, and perhaps that will become the theme – the foundation – of the new story. Will, determination, integrity, searing passion, and unparalleled hope replaces timidity, doubt, fear, questioning, and indecision.
A clear point of light has been sighted, and this new story will begin the next leg of this cyclical journey. The snake is shedding its skin, unraveling and unloading and creating space for new growth. With every new chapter, the snake inches closer and closer to its tail, looking to take what feels like that final step into its mouth, closing the circle. This marks the beginning and ending of each chapter, this cyclical, never-ending dance of birth, death and rebirth.
And I begin, and end, again.