Thank you SO much for today. I am so overwhelmed by the outpouring of support, love and generosity. Everything that’s been happening lately has been so amazing – even the most challenging, stressful parts. Everything has brought me to this moment – I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so present. And I’m crying because I’m so happy and I’m trying to get comfortable with it, but honestly, it’s kind of taking me down. The act of just letting my guard down long enough to let this through is miraculous enough – to really absorb it and stay present rather than losing myself in it, romanticize it and drift away.
Today, I’m presently-grateful. I am grateful, right now, for everything. Everything in my life – all the love, all the support, all the connection, all the abundance, all the newness. The newness of surrounding myself with people who see me, listen to me, feel me – pay attention to me and dig deeper and truly care enough to know me. People who love me – family and friends…family I chose from both groups.
Today I truly realize how much you do shape your reality, your future. The road is paved with positive intentions and manifestations, but our actions, our words, our scariest decisions are what have made this moment, right now.
I don’t have to be in survival mode anymore. Right now, I’m being completely honest with how I feel instead of how I’ m trying to feel. I just released a huge weight on my heart from the past and the present. Realizations…breakthroughs. Raw truth, and realizing that I just have to let go…of it all. I have a really amazing life right now, and I want to just enjoy it, not take anything so seriously that I jet or run or escape…again.
I’ve been looking at this entire situation through such thick lenses of stress that I’ve failed to see and appreciate everything around me.
Gratitude – it begins and ends with gratitude.
And to realize that I’m where I am because I’ve been brave. I’ve been daring and bold and never blink at taking a risk, although maybe I should…but had I, I would not be here today. I don’t know where I’d be, but I can honestly say there’s no place or time I’d rather be. I’ve tested the waters, had stints with multiple professions, but at the end of the day, I always come home…to writing. To healing. To creating. To helping – service. Getting amazing energy out into the world – connecting with people, circulating, generating new ideas and activities and happiness’s and plans and dreams. Some people may already be well established in their lives and careers, and some are genuinely happy. I’m just of the other half, the seekers, the adventurers – the risk takers. I’m good at what I’m good at, and I could always be better. But I’m better at what I’ve been doing now than anything or anytime in my life. I love what I’m doing now – LOVE it. And I’m making it work, and the smoothness or roughness of the path remains on my shoulders and mine alone.
There’s never going to be any miracle detail or puzzle piece to figure out and put into place. It’s a collection of everything – every piece, every detail, everything. It’s everything that got me here, and everything that’s going to propel me forward.
So I can breathe easy in the end of a fruitless pursuit. The chase can be so addicting – mind-strewn, heart-stretched and torn. It can leave you with nothing – it can take everything. The life force slowly and methodically draining through your watering eyes; it can take a few years, a decade…sometimes a lifetime before you realize how dead and guarded you are. Dead, guarded and lost in the ruthless pursuit.
I always feel this invisible weight on my chest and head when I shift from one consciousness to the next, when I slowly slip from my raised vibration back into the daily sustained tension. The invisible weight – the dis-ease – that rests on my heart and mind. The weight lifts when I let go and see and feel appreciation. The heaviness starts to disintegrate when I truly see the abundance around me.
It all comes back to gratitude.
Ease into this process. Enjoy it. Radiate with the amazingness every moment brings, even if you don’t feel it. Feel anything but the stress, because you’ll never be able to get this back. This is all there is – all and everything. BE here to enjoy it. BE here to LIVE it.